


Smitten

by Thatoneloser_kid



Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 03:05:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19033483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatoneloser_kid/pseuds/Thatoneloser_kid
Summary: Tumblr prompt: 'About hope’s feelings toward amy prior to the events of the movie until the moment amy first kisses her in the bathroom, since it’s slightly hinted that she’s always had a thing for amy based on their first scene'





	Smitten

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, if you have any prompts send them to me on tumblr- thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

Hope first spoke Amy when she was ten.

They both run into each other during gym, both landing on their ass on the grass, eyes wide in surprise.

Amy started stuttering out an apology, crawling on her hands and knees to Hope, who had pushed herself up onto her elbows.

Amy was small, freckles dusted over her cheeks and nose, and she had a sweet smile.

Hope grew up in a relatively liberal environment, her oldest sister was dating woman, so part of her then, even at that young age, understood what was happening.

“Are you- did I- you aren't hurt, are you?” Amy asked, her wide eyes searching Hope’s features for any sign of pain or anger.

“I'm fine, are you okay?”

“Yes, yeah. My butt cushioned my fall.” Amy reasoned, and Hope found it oddly charming.

Hope smile, reaching up to pull what looked like straw from Amy’s hair, unsure how that even got there.

Amy looked bashful, ducking her head and peering at Hope through her eyelashes as Hope held up the straw.

“How did that even get there?”

“Molly was kicking the grass clippings around.” Amy explained.

“Girls?” the coach called as she made her way to them. “You both okay?”

“Yes, ma'am.” Amy quickly scrambled to her feet.

“Then get back to your team, you too, Hope.”

Hope found herself more attuned to Amy after that day, her eyes wandering to her in class, which Amy never noticed, of course she didn't, she was hyper focused on the teacher, scribbling notes in her book.

Amy made her giddy in a way boys never had.

She was eleven when she finally brought up the subject with Ruby, who was back from college for Christmas.

“Spit it out, loser.” Ruby said one night after they finished building a fort in the living room..

“Do you love Laura?” The question took Ruby completely by surprise, glancing over at Hope. “I mean, you guys have been together forever.”

“Yeah, no, I do love her.” Ruby answered. “You just took me by surprise. Why were you thinking about that?”

“I think I like someone. A girl.” Hope clarified, her shoulders lifting in a shrug. “She doesn't really know I exist, we've only talked a few times.”

“It’s tough, kid, trying to figure out where you stand with girls.” Ruby explained. “Sometimes you think maybe they're into you but they are just being friendly.”

Hope learned that the hard way at summer camp when she was thirteen.

Whatever it was she was feeling for Amy was still lingering, but there was this girl, her name was Ashley and she looked enough like Amy that Hope was smitten immediately.

They became fast friends, and on the last night Hope kissed her.

There was nasty words thrown at her, and when Ruby came to pick her up Hope hugged her tight and cried.

That summer had been one of the worst of her life.

First that happened with Ashley, then her parents got divorced and her father moved halfway across the country. That caused her middle sister to spiral, drinking and almost killing herself when she wrapped her car around a tree. Her mother was depressed, Jessie had to go through months of rehab to even be able to walk fully supported by a zimmer, and Ruby was angry, which almost caused her to break up with Laura.

And Hope was just there, trying to keep her family together while her ass of a father ran away with, Hope found out later, the nineteen year old he was having an affair with.

So, Hope decided to protect herself after that summer, she became coarse and mean, even after Ruby sat down with her and told her to not let this stuff rot her, to let it make her kind instead of nasty.

But it was easier to be nasty, it was what people expected of her, she was pretty, and tall, and people looked at her and in an instant decided she was mean, and that made it easier for them to hate her, so she became what everyone wanted her to.

The first time she was mean to Amy it kind of hurt, watching her smile fade, the hurt in her eyes, it didn't become any easier to be mean to Amy, but it was necessary, Amy had too much of a hold over her.

Amy came out in tenth grade, and Hope felt something akin to, well, hope in her chest, maybe Amy would like her, maybe she had a shot.

 

 

Then she noticed how Amy stared at Ryan, all wide eyes and soft smiles, and that  _ hurt.  _

 

Part of Hope wondered what Ryan had that she didn't, she figured it was because Ryan was nice, always smiling and being friendly, Hope hadn't said anything to Amy that wasn't horrible or sarcastic all school year. 

 

So Hope understood, Amy wanted someone who was nice, who was sweet, she  _ deserved _ better than Hope, and maybe that was Ryan. 

 

Everything in Hope was getting too much and it was  _ rotting,  _ making Hope  _ rotten _ . 

 

Ruby noticed when she was back for Christmas, both her and Laura brandishing their new engagement rings. 

 

And Hope knew she should be happy for then, she thinks maybe she would be if she could force herself to feel anything. 

 

Ruby pulled her aside during her stay, checking in with her and asking her too many questioned that, honestly, Hope didn't have the answers too.

 

The first time she had sex she was fifteen, with a college student she met at the bar they had gone to after Ruby’s wedding. 

 

Sex wise, it was great, it felt great, but as soon as it was over Hope rolled out of bed, the girl still coming down from her orgasm, pulling on her clothes and leaving with barely a flick of her wrist over her shoulder as a goodbye. 

 

That was the start nameless girls and sleepless nights. Sex was just sex, never feelings, never romantic, just a means to realise stress, a way of kind of dealing with the fact she essentially felt nothing almost all the time. 

 

She started drink, then smoking weed and she was spiraling, and she didn't know how to stop. 

 

She knew what was happening when she got home one night and her mother, and two sisters were sitting at the kitchen table, all serious. 

 

Hope scream at them, claiming they didn't understand, but then she broke down in her mother's arms when she told her she had to deal with her father leaving, because he  _ wasn't  _ coming back. 

 

Her sisters, came into her room that night, Ruby in front of her, Jessie behind her, both enclosing her in a hug. 

 

“I like girls, Jess,” Hope whispered against Ruby’s chest. 

 

“Yeah, we know.” Jessie hummed. “It's kinda obvious, kid. We've all known since you were a kid.”

 

Hope pulled back to frown up at Ruby.

 

“I didn't tell’em, all of us have known since you were a child.” Ruby shrugged. 

 

“I don't know what to do, I don't-- I don't feel anything anymore.”

 

“We looked into therapist, we found a good one, whenever you're ready she is willing to see you.” Jessie said, her fingers ticking her arm. 

 

Hope nodded, cuddling closer to Ruby, Jessie shuffling tight against her. 

 

Hope went to therapy when she was sixteen, she put it off as long as she could, but after having what was a borderline breakdown upon hearing her father was having a baby with the woman he ran away with. 

 

Hope had expected her to be old, and a little condescending, and kind of shitty. 

 

But she was young, and nice, and she managed to pull things from Hope that Hope didn't even  _ know _ she was struggling with. 

 

They even spoke about Amy, but Hope had just shrugged and said she had a crush on her  _ years ago  _ that had never really disappeared, but she had accepted that it was something that would never happen. 

 

She deal with her father, and everything that happened that summer, everything that had happened since. 

 

She stopped the casual hookups and the drunken nights, she kept smoking but didn't spend all day stoned. She was still kind of a bitch, but she wasn't as nasty as before. 

 

Amy kissing her took her completely but surprise, prompting her to pull away, her eyes a little wide before she schooled her expression, grinning at Amy before kissing her again. She pushed away the thought that Amy was only doing this because she was upset. 

 

Technique wise, the kiss wasn't the best, but feeling wise it surpassed anything she had experienced before. 

 

Her heart was rattling again against her chest, her lips almost burning, her hand sliding up Amy’s back to caress the back of her head while Amy pushed her jacket away. 

 

All in all, the night was a bit of a shambles, with the mishap during sex, and Amy throwing up on her, it was kind of horrible. 

 

“You okay, kiddo?” Jessie asked, barely glancing from the TV, but Ruby, who was visiting for her graduation, glanced back at her.

 

“I guess,” Hope hummed, falling down on the sofa in between her sisters, staring at the TV with a little frown. “Amy kissed me.”

 

Both her sisters heads whipped to her. “What?” Ruby asked. 

 

“How was it?”

 

“Kind of awful, she threw up on me.” 

 

Jessie laughed, but Ruby frowned. 

 

“I don't know, I guess it  _ was  _ awful, but it  _ felt  _ great.” Hope sighed, sliding down on the sofa. “But she was upset about something, so I don't think it's meant anything.”

 

Jessie stopped laughing, and Ruby pulled her in for a hug. 

 

“Are you seeing her again?” 

 

“I don't think so,” Hope shook her head. "I'm going away during the summer, then I'm going to Bard, I don't even know where Amy is going. Maybe I should just let it go.”

 

“Maybe,” Ruby hummed, both she and Jessie leaning into her and speaking at the same time. “ _ Or,”  _

 

“Or?” 

 

“Or you could give it one last hail Mary?” Jessie suggested. 

 

“Go see her, talk to her, it's out there now that there is something between you two, this is your in.” Ruby added. 

 

“What's the worst that could happen?” Jessie said. 

 

“She could reject me.”

 

“Mm,” Ruby hummed. “But she  _ did  _ throw up on you, so, really, who should be more embarrassed?”

 

Hope chuckled, letting her head fall against Ruby’s shoulder. 

 

“Just give it a shot, kiddo.” Jessie leaned against Hope, who lifted her arm to let her sister settle against her comfortably. “She could be your Laura.”

 

Hope hummed, taking comfort in her sisters as she thought the idea over. 

 

Turning up at Amy’s door had kind of been a last minute thing, watching the girls make that obnoxious entrance and knowing that she had spent the night in jail, she decided to throw caution to the wind and head over.

 

Amy was all stuttery and bashful, and Hope thought then that  _ maybe  _ Amy kind of liked her too, the offer of a place to crash if she ended up in Botswana, kind of confirmed it to her. 

 

She gave Amy her number along with a note; 

 

‘ _ maybe we can try last night again? Not on a bathroom floor, and without the throwing up?’  _

 

Amy had texted her before she even got home apologising about the throwing up thing, and the finger thing, and Hope endured the teasing from her sisters after they caught her grinning down at her phone. 

 

There was still a question mark over the whole thing, Amy was going away for a year, but she  _ was  _ going to be in New York after that, and she  _ did  _ invite Hope to Botswana during the summer.

 

So, for now, Hope was content with the odd text, then the occasional call on a janky satellite phone while she was somewhere in Europe. 

 

She was more than happy to wait to see where this would lead. 

  
  



End file.
